Hey, lilastragirl, Welcome to the Board (gosh, I haven't typed those words in a long time!)
Sounds like you may have done a lot of reading around the forum in the past couple of years. Listen, I know it can feel impossible thinking about "forever" in terms of pain like this. Here's my suggestion: Don't. Instead, do all you can to focus on the present - and what is good in the present - when that overwhelming feeling comes. Nothing but this very moment is guaranteed in life. So you don't need to be afraid of one version of how things may turn out, because, who knows what will really happen? 6 years ago, I felt the same way you do. Scared and it all seemed impossible. But you'll see. As long as you keep on sticking it out, you'll keep growing. Life will keep happening. Other dreams and new dreams will still come true. You can and you will get through this, one day at a time. I promise.
Pim gave you some good advice about the NerveFix (Hi, Pim! Good to see you again!) I also want to suggest, if you haven't done a search of the forum yet, to do so for homeopathic remedies. I just lost my job today and can't afford health insurance, so you and me, hon, are both on this no-medication adventure together (I just get to start out by going through a few weeks of withdrawal, though. Yay!) I can tell you already, though, that everything you can do to relax your body will pay in dividends. So take really good care of the muscles in your shoulders, the back of your head, your neck and your jaw; check out the homeopathic, nonprescription remedies here on the Board; and post again with your progress. I'll let you know how it goes for me, too.
Sending you big hugs and wishes for better days ahead,
KarenR